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Thread: Have you ever thought about marrying a Japanese girl

  1. #21
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    I met the gal in the fall of 75 while stationed in Tokyo. Moved to the States, then in the early 90's she decided to move back to Japan with our child. Was it the right move? I would like to add one note about marrying a Japanese national girl. See if she has a sincere close family tie and talks about her parents in a caring and loving manner.

    Best to all you here on the forum.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Hawk View Post
    ...My goal is to find someone who rides her own motorcycle but isn't the stereotypical "biker chick". And I have dated someone like that in Japan, but she ended up marrying someone who lives there (whereas I only visit 1-2 times a year). Still, I'll keep looking...
    Are you looking hard enough? I haven't been in the Japanese dating scene, but my understanding is that there are a lot of desperate Japanese women about (I could be wrong about this). Women here generally want to get married - or live with a partner (no matter what they say), but many can't meet interesting men.

    Some comment from some posts about Japanese "Herbivore" men.
    https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-...not-know-about

    I agree with you, and think you gave a pretty good explanation. Although, I’d say it’s not really THAT “mind-boggling”… Japanese wives (or even serious girlfriends) can be incredibly…well, what Western guys might call ‘high-maintenance’, in that they get default control of everything in the home, from your wallet to your bed to your meals to your hobbies.

    Now, while that might sound slanderous to women, I’m sure there are many examples that do NOT follow this expectation…but it IS the prevalent expectation, both on the part of men, and for what women are raised to expect their role will be. Now that Japanese people are being exposed to so many other cultures through available travel, more tourists, and the popularity of Western movies and TV, isn’t it quite natural to expect disenfranchisement with the traditional relationship roles? How many guys does the above sound appealing to?

    Things take a looooong time to change in Japan….I expect this may be a kind of in-between stage, before men move to a more Westernized type of relationship role. In say…20 years perhaps? What do you think?

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by oi oi oi View Post
    Are you looking hard enough?
    Mom? Is that you? I'll admit that I haven't been pushing it. Mostly depending on friends to make introductions. And some of my recent trips have been more work than vacation. I did attend one "pancake breakfast" at a fellow gaijin's apartment in Chiyoda. It was actually a decent mixer, but I didn't come away with any contacts. And there were no damn pancakes, so I left hungry too. I've also looked into those "international parties", but they're for people half my age. The last woman I dated in Japan was 31, and I thought that was pushing things a bit. (I'm 49)

    I haven't been in the Japanese dating scene, but my understanding is that there are a lot of desperate Japanese women about (I could be wrong about this). Women here generally want to get married - or live with a partner (no matter what they say), but many can't meet interesting men.
    Can't say I've met any desperate women, but I may have been looking in the wrong places. I've actually thought about crashing a women's motorcycle meet.

    Some comment from some posts about Japanese "Herbivore" men.
    https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-...not-know-about
    Interesting stuff, thanks for the link.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Hawk View Post
    。。。women's motorcycle meet.
    Are there such things?

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthbyNW View Post
    Are there such things?
    Gee, I sure hope so.

    (It's Japan. They have everything, right?)

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by NorthbyNW View Post
    Are there such things?
    I have seen photos. ;)

  7. #27
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    You're welcome.

    http://www.l-bike.com/event_report/

    *The author of this post is not responsible for anything that may happen if you try to crash a women's motorcycle meet

  8. #28
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    My 10 pence. Once Divorced. Married again now. First round was very bad. I'd go with some of the negative comments. Great girlfriend. Got married and EVERYTHING changed. She quit her job and I was the earner. Sex was rare and she started spending money, hand over fist.
    She ended up owning a few years of taxes. Had to pay all that.
    Was a massive mess. Luckily got out of that. Didn't learn my lesson. But the current wife is great. We've just had a baby, she is a very good mother. Of course the night life has gone on the back burner, but a new born baby in the house is going to knock things down. As for bikes. She was interested in getting on a bike after we met. Got her middle license and rode for a while. But the baby came and biking was put on hold for her. She doesn't mind me riding, but worries about accidents etc. But that's natural. Her mother, the in-law is a bit different. Very Japanese. Wants me to sell the bike, get a car. Grow up. Etc. Actively discourages riding. My wife kept her riding secret from her mum. 32 and still scared to tell her mum things. I let them be, my wife knows that I can be blunt if need be, so she tries to keep us apart. I am watching this space carefully now the baby is on the scene. Waiting for her to tell us how to bring the babe up... All in all the current wife is awesome. Really can't fault her. Before the baby, we're hiking and camping together, she got on the back of my bike instantly, started her license. All good. Never bossy. Never told me what to do. Never even mention money.

    So what can I say. Half of my long term GF have been evil, half have been great.

    Sent from my 401SO using Tapatalk

  9. #29
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    Default Have you ever thought about marrying a Japanese girl

    When my wife's mother was alive, she was a calming influence. When my wife started unreasonably moaning about me her mother often supported my side and kept it under control. So MiL might be an asset. And having another adult to babysit can be priceless.


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    Some pithy saying about biking, or a quote from a self-styled guru. Take your pick.

  10. #30
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    Married on in the UK and after some time moved to Japan with her, she isn't bossy in any way, but since the move here, she has become mmm more Japanese, didn't see that one coming.

  11. #31

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    Each person is different.

    Nowadays folks can go quite "deep" and figure out each other well before committing. So get to know her first and don't jump into anything blind. What would be the point? It's freaking marriage, not bingo.

    I'll say that it's worked for me and I've got a lifemate (that's better than wife, btw) going on for almost 3 decades now.
    CRF250

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phorest View Post
    You're welcome.

    http://www.l-bike.com/event_report/

    *The author of this post is not responsible for anything that may happen if you try to crash a women's motorcycle meet
    Haha, thanks for that.

  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by rich 400 View Post
    Married on in the UK and after some time moved to Japan with her, she isn't bossy in any way, but since the move here, she has become mmm more Japanese, didn't see that one coming.
    I can surely relate to that.

  14. #34
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    damn, why didnt I read this 12 years ago. mirrors my experience. great sex before marriage but after....damn what happened!
    Still I am looked after very well but...there are some real issues with cultural interpretations
    Last edited by Lochy; 01-09-16 at 02:38 PM.

  15. #35
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    Lots of interesting points. None that I would vehemently disagree with.

    Never let someone, especially a GF tell you what you can and cant do. Man up. Set expectations straight from the start.

    Expect changes. This is noticeable in the dress and attitude when they turn from 29 to 30. Suddenly its time to be another person. Even a girl who feels she is the "solid" girlfriend changes. I haven't seen that in Western women.

    The bike thing, I get. They worry. But you ride and its the way it is was, is, and will be.

    And don't accept they need to manage the money. They usually cant well (i.e. just put all the savings in a regular bank account with basically no interest). If you need help, ask a friend, coworker, or your company to support it.

    Oh, and one word of caution, if thinking to try marriage, see how the kids work, and get a divorce if it doesn't work out, its not that easy. Wife gets full custody. 99.9% of time, especially when married to a gaijin. Doesn't have to give access to the kids at all. So you might be completely shut out of your kids lives. Important to note. So if you think you wont want to stay married to her, will you trust her to raise YOUR children without any of your input?

    So date Japanese girls, have fun, have a LOT of fun with many girls, all that. Marriage is a crap shoot, and the odds are stacked. PS - I'm a LOT better than most as I understand it.

  16. #36
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    Done it twice, never really thought about it though... Lol

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  17. #37
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    Wow! over 1300 views on this thread. Thanks guys for posting. I kind of thought this would be an interesting subject for us here.

  18. #38
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    Twice here too.

    Never regretted the second one ... contrary to number 1!

    She took it all, I started at 0 again. Luckily the contact with my 2 daughters was established again after a couple of years ..... great relationship now, also with my wife and our little one.

    All in all .... could have been worse.
    Klaus D.
    A Kraut living in Japan

  19. #39
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    Some great stories here, I met my wife (Japanese) in NZ at that I had a BMW GS so our early courting was done on that, everything was great. We married have two great boys, I have had many bikes and cars...after about 14 years we moved to Japan, I'm English and had been in NZ since 1998, we were both bored with NZ. not bossy, excellent mother, great wife, excellent cook. I was told when you have sex with your GF put a coin in a jar, once your married every time you have sex take a coin out of the jar. You will never empty the jar. I know now this is true.
    Best to enter a corner slow and exit fast, than enter fast and exit Dead.

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yorkshire View Post
    Some great stories here, I met my wife (Japanese) in NZ at that I had a BMW GS so our early courting was done on that, everything was great. We married have two great boys, I have had many bikes and cars...after about 14 years we moved to Japan, I'm English and had been in NZ since 1998, we were both bored with NZ. not bossy, excellent mother, great wife, excellent cook. I was told when you have sex with your GF put a coin in a jar, once your married every time you have sex take a coin out of the jar. You will never empty the jar. I know now this is true.

    Now I wonder how many of us will agree with you on this "jar" experience.

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